Should I...?

You know you've gotten into the humdrum of corporate work, when you type an email to friends, and you hesitate like forever before clicking 'send', thinking and considering if it was typed appropriately or inappropriately, if it should be sent or not, if it was proper or improper, if some things should be rephrased (and you rephrased them), if you should ask someone first, if ... ...

Yeah.

FFT: Are formalities biblical?

One thing's for sure, they're a huge pain in the a-, er, backside.

Peace

When people around you are away due to their individual circumstances, you can't help putting yourself in a position of self-pity. That's human nature. In order to make sense of things, we constantly try to identify similarities, identify patterns. And so we think everybody's leaving me!!!

But I am a follower of Christ. Thus, I have joy and victory over things that seem miserable. Because I have hope in Christ, not just in the 'eternal life' sense, but in everything else in life, no matter how big or small. Phew! In the past I would have let myself sink into melancholy and listen to sad music and think about how heartbreaking everything is.
Now, I might go there but then I'll stop myself. Or rather, the Holy Spirit stops me, reminds me of who I am, snap me out of useless fantasies, and focus on Christ. We've got to realise that there is no separation of anything in our lives from God. This life with God, is life itself. No thing has nothing to do with God. (Oh, was that a really smart phrase or what!!!)

So in this time when loved ones are away, I will do the only thing I can do. Pray and trust in the Heavenly Father, for their lives and for mine.

Jesus said "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Following Christ.

Love
For God so loved the world... The greatest of these is love... Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength... Love your neighbour as yourself... Love is patient, love is kind.. Love keeps no record of wrongs... Perfect love drives out fear...
May the love of God flow through me to others. I have learnt that, for me, I have no capacity to love unless I have the love of God. We love because He first loved us!

Faith
The biggest factor in the turning point of my life. Believing in what I cannot see, believing and trusting even when I do not have full knowledge of things. Die-die believing. For the love of God and His grace are as good as facts to me. It has always been up to me to accept them and put faith in God. I believe in God's power and God's goodness and God's love.

Prayer
Ah, not so good at this. Sometimes I don't even feel like saying because, well, God already knows right? But God is such an awesome God. Even though He is omni-everything and so mighty, He wants to connect with us, to talk with us, to interact with us. What is man that He is mindful of us? A quiet time passage talked about persisting in prayer. This is one meditation I can't seem to understand. What does it mean to persist in prayer, to wrestle in prayer, to struggle with God like Jacob did? Hmm.

Life is changing for me. End of studying, start of career. And only by God's grace, I am employed without going through endless job applications, I hardly even tried to search for a job! And again only by His grace, I also received a precious blessing.

This is only the beginning of a new phase! Or two.. Like a friend's friend said, starting out on a career will be the real test of my faith in God; will I stay rooted or uprooted? Ultimately we know nothing about the future. But I have this hope, that God is good, and that I can and will trust in Him.

God's word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path. I will keep God on top by remembering this:
Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Amen!

Meh.

In all honesty, the only thing I wanted to blog about was my little job at the Motherhood Fair last week. But, pfft, I came down with a cold right after that, and all I can think about is the bad throat and oncoming cough and runny nose, and no phlegm cough pleaasse pleeease no phlegm cough. Yeahhh...

Here's what I wrote first:

"Every experience is valuable to my life.

Being at the Motherhood Fair was a great experience! A sales assistant job was never my cup of tea, but that was because I didn't think I was willing to promote stuff that I probably don't want customers to buy anyway. Hah! But this time, it was clothes that serve a wonderful purpose, plus they were of great quality and pretty designs!

Though tiring, standing all day long and smiling and serving customers, it was really fun! I just had to write something about it. Now, despite being far off from being a mother, I can show you how to use those cool nursing tops! hah! To top it off, the people I worked with, the boss and her sis, are lovely people to be with. Go the Milky Way, what a catchy name. Check it out here. BCBA-ers, see if you can spot Agi!

Being at the Motherhood Fair was also probably the only time I met so many pregnant ladies in one huge room. I know, duh Motherhood Fair, but y'know, it's just overwhelming. You've gotta remember to be extra gentle when squeezing through the crowds.

Somehow, I really enjoyed meeting all those pregnant mums. It's like each of them is carrying a miracle, and they are caring for and protecting an unborn child. Somehow, ladies can't be all that bad when they are carrying another life within them.

Call me cynical but I usually expect strangers to be mean and rude and selfish, every-man-for-himself kinda attitude. So I'm always appreciative of times when people turn out to be really nice. Like our booth neighbours! It was really enjoyable, we had alot of laughs."

So anyway, I don't know if I'll be more miserable tomorrow, somehow I always get worse when I sleep. They say we should sleep more, for the body to heal and fight the virus; I seem to lose to the virus when I sleep. Darn. Well, the throat's definitely less scratchy, don't know about the cough though. Oncoming or going, can't really tell. No phlegm please nooooo. But definitely congested in my nose. Even getting blocked ears... I wonder if I drank too much water, I've been downing water the whole day, for days. I wonder if you can get water retention in, er, eustachian tubes. hah.

OH some brief googling uncovers something that challenges the drink-more-fluids-when-you-have-a-cold advice. Not good.

On a totally different note, I said yes to trying for a certain job. It actually seems like one of those risky options, which I kinda vowed before never to take up because look where it got me. So I'm really going by faith here. Gonna trust that God will see me through.

For now, I pray I can fall asleep with cleared nasal airways, and please please get rid of the virus.

Giving thanks.

I say it's a blessing that something strange happened to my laptop such that I use it much less, that is, not from morning til night when I'm at home. I discovered how dependent I am on it to entertain myself, which is not good at all. This strange thing that happened, forced me off the laptop. Which is good, because with nothing else to do, I decided to read. I read the Bible, and other books on Christianity, did some mini bible study. Of course, looking at the circumstances, I didn't really mean to do these things, but I did anyway and it feels like I'm finally making some progress! This is how I know God hasn't forsaken me. My discipline is nearly non-existent, so I believe that He planned that circumstances will lead me to have no other thing to do except spend time reading His word. It's debatable, of course, but I believe that everything happens for a reason and this is the clearest.

It's not the only thing I'm thankful for. By God's grace, I got an A for my project. My heart jumped a little when I saw the letter A. And I thought that's all to the results. Then I looked down and there's this sentence in caps that stated, kind of indifferently, that I have gotten a Second Class (Lower Division) Honours. My heart leaped! At least since Year 3, I was convinced and certain that I could only have a third class, at best. And even if I managed to calculate a possibility of Second Lower by having a really good grade for my project, I thought it was impossible to have a good grade for my project. Like, who, me? A good grade? B, at best. I'm shocked and I still think that the grades will change halfway. It's unreal and undeserving. 'Thankful' is an understatement to what I feel towards God. It's a surprise through and through. I'm calmly sitting at my desk, but I'm elated inside! I can trust our BA choir mistress to come up with happy words starting with 'E'! Hah!

Okay I know Second Lower is just as lousy, and not much better than Third class. But it means the world to me. That's why I'm not totally ashamed to say it out here. I'm a Second Lower Honours student, so what? Naturally I am a little ashamed, because the world today tells us that grades matter and a lousy grade means that you're not good enough. Worse, this exists within the church as well. Pray that they will study hard and get good grades. Er, so, if I don't get a good grade, what does that mean? Plus, the awkward responses to not doing well, oh... okay.. hmm. I'd like to follow the example of Aunty Xu in LN; she always sincerely say 感谢主, for the good and the bad.

I'll always remember being encouraged one Sunday by Leon's sharing, that at the end of the day, our bad grades don't matter, it's what we gained from the process and how we grow spiritually in God, that really matter. I think most of us know that already, but we're easily swayed to meet the world's expectations. After all, we're living in the world, we usually can't help it.

I've been through many moments of 'coming back to God' but I never stayed for long, mostly backsliding very quickly. This time, like those other times, I want to stay and grow deep roots. Like those other times, I say this with uncertainty and weak faith. But I do want very much to live better, instead of wasting my time with things that don't store up treasures in heaven. I'm already 23, been a Christian for about 13 years, shouldn't waste anymore time going round in circles.

How does one stay true to a commitment? Dunno. But I think I'm ready, for whatever it takes.